Rain was gently dropping on the window and he could hear the
rustle of the wind blowing outside. He was puffing lazily from his cigarette.
It was only 9 am, but the ashtray was already half-full. He could not convince
himself to start working on his paper. Continuously searching for answers, he
hoped to find something meaningful in his cigarettes and coffee, before
re-entering his daily routine that made him forget about himself and his
troubles. Music could be dimly heard, coming from his office room. After many
years, the lyrics of the songs in his playlist started to have meaning
again.
However, parts of him had changed in these few years. He had become
older, and he felt a deep fear inside him - he could not stand to feel again
the way he felt back then. On the one hand, his life has changed for the better. On
the other hand, the very feelings he feared of having were the things he craved
for the most - the parts that were lacking for him to be fulfilled.
He
finished his cigarette. The music in the background kept playing... it's
better to feel pain than nothing at all. He had some decisions
to make in the following couple of days. And he had to find courage to
make them, or accept that he can never overcome his fears.
